So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
