I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
