someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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