i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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