Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
