Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
