Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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