Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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