soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
