Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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