...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
