it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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