Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
