she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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