She said her name was "party"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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