It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
