Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
