just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Farmville is her only friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
