My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
