this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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