he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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