I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
