So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
