in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
