I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
