are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
