were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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