Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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