why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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