If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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