Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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