Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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