Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
