I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
why is half of my head shaved?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
