Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
