I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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