Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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