I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
