He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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