he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
