Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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