Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
