My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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