Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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