1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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