you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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