Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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