my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
