For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dick very happy bro
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
