Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
